Focus on presence rather than absence
• We are drawn to the lack
• Lightens conversation
• Brings forward knowledge of presence

Focus on presence rather than absence is more conducive to optimism and movement. Often we are presented with concern about a lack of self esteem, confidence, respect, etc. In this case the person can be invited to use their imagination to bring forward the ideas they have about the presence. For instance:

“How would your life be different if you started to develop some self esteem?”
“If some self esteem started to develop, what would be the first sign?”
“How would you tell?”
“Who would notice first?”

In response to “No one ever listens to me”, one might inquire “What would let you know that listening was happening?”

A young man who felt that a young woman looked straight through him could be supported to focus on presence. “If they did see you what would you like them to see?”

Other possibilities may include:

“What is the conversation like when the fighting is not happening?”
“When I remember the way they talked about what happened, I am surprised I didn’t go mad."
"When you remember that time, what supported you to hold on to the reality of your experience?”
“I sat through the inquiry with my partner squeezing my hand. It helped me to feel I existed. … Tim’s hand was marked from my fingernails. I just held on."
"In the holding on, what were you holding on to?”