Respect and optimism in Johnella Bird’s approach
• Focus is movement supported by bringing forward resources of the family
• Hearing resources languaged in the room increases their availability

Profound respect for the resources and knowledge of the family is key to collaborative family work. This respect influences the amount of interest we have in hearing about the family members’ decision processes. Asking a question about family practices has the focus of enabling them to hear themselves describe their agency, knowledge intentions, hopes and commitment and put them into words. This can be particularly potent in a family context as other members of the family are also hearing this, not just the person giving form to the ideas.

Rather than identifying deficiencies, the focus is movement. It is the resources of the family which will enable movement. As with individual work processes of inquiry and gathering threads is used to bring these forward, developing a sense, in the moment, that change is possible. This inquiry can be done in a spirit of conversational interest and curiosity, as with an agenda of one family asking about another family’s practice, in order to open options they might consider. For example:

"How do you do things in your family?"
"How do you decide who does the dishes?"
"How well does it work?"
"What do you do if this doesn’t work?"
"Who else in the Family has had experience of something like this? How did they deal with it?"
"How has the Family got through other difficult times?"

As clinicians, we develop ideas about the families which can inform the questions. For instance:

“How do you think the experience of parenting you had as a child influences the strategies you use in your parenting now?”

Relational externalising
• Contrasts with totalizing and traditional externalizing
• Opens space for the family to look in on the issue in relation with themselves

Relational externalizing can also be used in a family context. This contrasts with totalizing language and traditional externalizing.

Totalising language:

Traditional externalising:

Relational externalising:

Compare:

"Are you a close family?" versus "What sorts of closeness do you experience in your family?"
" Did she attach well?" versus "What signs of attachment does she show?"
" Have you grieved for …?" versus "What sorts of grieving have different members of the family engaged in?"
" Do you trust Johnny again?" versus "Are you noticing signs of trust starting to build again?"
" Are you an OK parent?" versus "What parenting that you do would you describe as OK?"